Goonhammer Dice and Gregbot Dice are back in stock at Baron of Dice. As you throw your paycheck at these cubular marvels, let’s take an objective and critical look at them in a Serious Goonhammer Review.
A weight on my shoulders. Like many others, I was stricken with the burden of inferior dice. Shackled by the guilt of failed saves, I knew that my dice were holding me back from my true potential. Long ago, I held my dice with nervous and shaking hands, uncertain of the future before me. But no longer. Not since I rolled with Goonhammer Dice.
I remember it like it was yesterday. Bathed in the crisp dawn of morning, I grabbed the unassuming package from my mailbox as five wild doves flitted down from nearby trees. Landing upon my shoulders, they called out in perfect harmony – singing a beautiful chord before leaving me, flying to a distant horizon. Bittersweet to see them go, but they left me with high spirits and a nice parting gift: on my shoulder they had placed a small golden ring fitted perfectly to my wife’s hand, and in my pocket they had slipped a crisp $20 bill.
“Wow”, I whispered with bated breath, “these are good dice.”
Made by the true nobility of the dice world, Baron of Dice, these D6 delights have a feel to them unlike any other. Smooth, yet firm. Durable, but not intimidating. They carry within themselves an air of mystery and, if you hold them to your ear, you can hear faint laughter on the wind. You’re in on the joke, they’re laughing with you. You’re laughing too, at the sheer delight of using Goonhammer Dice.
Other, less scrupulous brands of dice, may feel chalky, gritty, falling apart under the slightest pressure and crumbling away like so many 1’s in the wind. But not Goonhammer Dice. When you hold these in your hand, you hold a certainty – these dice will not fail you.
With these dice, you’ll have confidence with every roll. Each time you roll your Goonhammer Dice, I can personally guarantee* that they will land on a 6.
*guarantee is not a guarantee
Classier Dice, For a Simpler Time
Gregbot, dear Gregbot. What would we do without you?
Gregbot fills our lives with so many things – hope (to be free from him), laughter (at our escape attempts), freedom (from the idea we’ll ever be free). Truly Gregbot lives within the hearts of all of us. And no, I’m not talking about the small explosive device Gregbot placed next to my left ventricle.
I’m talking about Gregbot bringing us together, with threats of violence and actual violence. I’m talking about Gregbot waking you up on a Sunday morning with a hearty breakfast in bed, made with your favorite reconstituted nutrient slime. I’m talking about the joy on the faces of small children, when Gregbot lets them see daylight for the first time.
And finally, you can bring that joy home with Gregbot Dice.
Be warned, though. These dice are not for the faint-hearted. Some say the power of Gregbot Dice can’t be contained – that you risk mortal peril by the very act of looking upon them. Well, you looked at the picture above, so that ship has sailed.
6 out of 9: Nice