Mayday Miss Marcy: Lonely Heart Club Solo Band, FOMO Foibles, and It Really Is That Shrimple

Dear Ms. Marcy,

I am currently lower on funds, but I had saved enough for the Typhon kill team box. But, when I went to pre-order it yesterday, it was gone. I’m not sure if when the box fully releases that I will have the funds. So today I’m asking, should I buy the box off eBay, or should I take the gamble that I’ll be able to afford it later down the road.

— A Wooper in Need

Dear Wooper,

Congrats on being the first time I have to put this sentence into my articles! Ahem.

This is not financial advice, and I am not a financial advisor.

That being said, I think the question is really one about your spending habits and how to take advantage of them. I know there are many, many reasons why we may have disposable income right now and not have it next week, and of course, “just save your money” is an easy answer that doesn’t account for the way life actually works most of the time.

That said, I think you are suffering a little bit from FOMO, because you are willing to justify buying scalper prices in order to obtain a thing you can get for the regular price slightly later than normal. FOMO is dangerous because it helps us feed the worst parts of hobby culture, which is that we NEED to buy things RIGHT NOW or that we will otherwise miss out or be left behind. That’s not the case, and nothing here is limited; and, frankly, we all need to realize that missing a plastic army man is not the end of the world.

That being said, a good way to prevent yourself from overspending on a FOMO box and ensure you can get the box on release is to buy gift cards to the store you plan to get it from. This way, you can still ‘spend’ the money in a timely manner to when you have it available, without paying more than you would normally. This should give you the dopamine boost of ‘buying thing’ without costing you extra. Also, if you have the money to spend on a scalper price, I think you should consider the gift card option and then use whatever extra you have to buy something to prep for the box to come out and/or arrive.

Without getting too “Mom” sounding, FOMO is very, very easy to give in to and also very, very bad for hobby spending and hobby health; it changes what you are into the hobby for, making it about the “newest” thing rather than the things you want or enjoy.

(Not) Shrimpin’ Ain’t Easy

Hello Miss Marcy

I, like a lot of people, spend my working day at computer, play computer games and enjoy painting miniatures.

However I’m worried that my current painting posture is doing me no favours, as I tend to default to cross legged, shrimp like positions.

I’ve tried to get around this by getting a standing desk for my home computer so I’m not hunched up as much, and I do go to the gym/climbing as well, but after hours hunched up trying to get eyes right I do get a sore back/neck.

Are there any tips/tricks/good habits you can share?

Yours,
Shrimply the best (Woa-oh)

Dear Shrimply,

Buy a really expensive chair.

I wanted to leave the answer at that, because it would solve some of your issues, but there’s a little more to it than that. So, barring your ability to buy an expensive and high quality chair, I have other suggestions.

Continue to use your standing desk and also buy a moderately priced chair.

Okay, okay.

So, the issue is that sitting posture is really quite bad for many people. We just tend to default to “shrimping” because it’s (at the time) comfortable and achieves what we want to do at the time. Or you sit in the Gay/ADHD/Autism way (you know the way), which is also often not very helpful for periods of time, or, more to us, maybe not great for painting.

So buying a really good chair is a great option, but I think you’re on to the problem with your standing desk. The issue is that hobbying isn’t very conducive to standing desks for certain things, because bracing our arms and other things–like leaning in real close–don’t always work when standing. There are some other things you could try as well. Magnifying arms or glasses could help you not lean in as much, but I think, as bad as it sounds, you just need to start taking more breaks to fix your posture and be more mindful of it.

Aside from putting a book on your head to make sure you’re sitting up straight, timers are a great tool that I’m very fond of. Set a timer to adjust your posture or stand up and stretch; either way, you’ll slowly fix your posture by being mindful, and building the habit will benefit you in the long run, but in the short run, try and reward yourself by following the schedule. Take note of how many times you take your breaks and keep track, and treat yourself to something nice after a week of doing so.

Mind the Gender Gap

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with being an Obvious Minority in the tournament space? I’ve been attending Warhammer tournaments for a few years now (both 40k and AoS) and the actual games have been great, but I’m really aware that being the only girl in the bracket is… typical, and it’s been difficult to make social connections over the lingering feeling that I’m out of place.

— Lonely at the Mid Tables

Dear Lonely,

There are a lot of platitudes that could be offered here. “You’re valid!” “You belong there, cause you earned it!” etc., but I think most women (or, frankly, most minorities in larger homogeneous spaces) can attest that this doesn’t really help solve the problem or make one feel any better about, well, being there.

Platitudes also ignore that deserving to be somewhere and feeling welcome in that space are not the same thing either. And that, frankly, we really don’t want to feel that we “deserve” to be somewhere as a defense or justification. When we gaze around us, we often can see people who are far, far less likely to spend any time thinking about “do I belong here”, because they’ve never had to do so.

Also, to speak to the audience and not you for a moment, there’s nothing in the question that states that these tournaments are unwelcoming or aggressive towards minority players. However, minority group participants will sometimes have to perform active risk assessment when in larger groups that aren’t outwardly (seemingly) inclusive or diverse, and for women in “nerd” hobbies, that can often mean that you’re the only woman in the room, or a small handful of individuals in a sea of masculinity. Whether that sea is aggressive or not, it doesn’t always matter; just not drowning is a step they don’t have to take.

There are “easy” answers, like, “just try to make friends at the tables!” which puts a lot of onus on you to have to try and be the one to bridge the gaps and jump the fences, and that can be draining. “Bring someone with you!” is another awkward one, because you have to find a person willing to go with you that may not have anything to do with the hobby whose job is to basically hang out with you and act as a buffer, but if the ratio is 1:50, making it 2:50 isn’t exactly going to fix things either.

I’ve been in your shoes a few times, and the answer has always remained somewhat elusive to me. It tends to be situational, entirely based on the vibes of the people and the crowd. In some cases, the vibe is that “I need to just get out of here,” and in others it can certainly tilt towards “this is chill and these people are cool,” but that nagging worry about being isolated never quite goes away. Also, there’s the worry about how people will react to your attempts to socialize. While it may seem unfair to assume men will behave badly when socializing with a woman, the precedents are not exactly in their favor, and many times the microaggressions and enhanced scrutiny, even when (or specially when) unconsciously done, makes the whole thing feel absolutely abysmal.

However! I don’t like to believe there are no solutions to things, so something we can try and consider here is that you may want to try and identify other players you see often at the same tables who seem like they are affable or approachable. Yes, it does perhaps require you to introduce yourself somehow, but the familiarity of having competed over and over together is a thing that can help connect. Remember, if you feel out of place, then why do you see the same people? They’re also there too, and often there with you.  At your next tournament, perhaps ask your opponent about your game if they seem open to chatting. Talk about their army or how the game went, and introduce yourself. If you are often competing in a circuit that is local to you, consider if they have something like a Discord server or other social media; the digital buffer might be a good way to break the ice and keep in touch with the people there, which could help you feel less of an outsider when you do go there. And remember, TOs should be doing their jobs to make you feel safe, so if people are not doing so, it’s best to report them, and if the TOs aren’t doing their jobs, then maybe it requires some higher authority.

I would love to have an easy answer for you, Lonely, but I don’t. It would be nice if women (or other marginalized groups) did not need to constantly be “aware” of our existence in crowds, to always be mindful of how much space we take up, and to prioritize keeping ourselves safe at the cost of feeling like we belong, but that’s not something we can inherently change, as it requires others to change as well. As long as you are having fun and enjoying your hobby, then that’s what matters, but I hope even just the acknowledgement that it can be difficult to feel like you belong provides some comfort in that it is is not just you.

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