Welcome back once again to your weekly dose of hobby and hobby-adjacent advice, Mayday, Miss Marcy! Last week we had handful of questions to deal with, from parenting to self-respect and when to leave unsafe spaces (now). This week, I’ve got another selection of questions hand-delivered to me by my handy assistant Gregbot.
Before we dive into this week’s mailbag, a reminder that if YOUÂ (yes, you!) would like YOUR questions answered, to either leave us a comment below this post, or you can use our Patreon exclusive Discord to take advantage of Gregbot’s handy-dandy anonymous question delivery system. Either way, I’m eagerly awaiting your questions! Now then, on to this week’s queries and qualms.
Tip-ping Culture
Dear Miss Marcy,
The servants of the corpse emperor keep sneaking into my hobby space and curling my brush tips. Even the fine Kolinsky sables, the finest Amazon can offer. Any advice on prevention or cure, other than purchasing the official Goonhammer brushes straight from Gregbot?
– Chaos Consternated by Curling.
While we always appreciate a little free shout-out for our great paint brushes, even they can be susceptible to curling or fraying even if you think you’re taking the best possible care of the brushes you can. On the bright-side, your problem seems to be mostly about curling instead of fraying, so my assumption is you are likely taking fairly good care of your brushes already.
Something that a lot of hobbyists overlook is that brushes are made out of, well, hair (or synthetic hair). This means that it is easy to forget that caring for hair will have a big impact on how well your hair-based products last, but also that hair can be fickle and easily damaged. Hair is made up of proteins, and the things that get into our hair, beat down on it, come into contact with it, and the way we care for and style it can have a huge impact on our hair. Brushes are a microcosm of that. To use our brushes for example, look at this picture closely:
Do you see the shape of the brush? It may not be noticeable at first but there is a natural ‘curve’ to the point. As our brushes get more used and more worn, that natural curve will warp depending on how well we are caring for them and how we are storing them.
I’m going to go through a few solutions from easy/simpler to hard/complicated to try and provide you and other readers with some tips:
1. Save those brush-tip caps! Those plastic tubes that come around some brushes are there for more than protecting the brush on it’s way to your home; they’re invaluable for protecting your brush’s tip and shape. However, if you were to look them up, you might be shocked to find out that those caps are quite pricey on their own. You can fashion some yourself by using straws and cutting them to shape/size in a pinch.
2. Store your brushes vertically, tip DOWN, after washing them; if you absolutely cannot do this, store them horizontally. This probably seems like the most obvious thing when it comes to brush care, but it isn’t always as easy as it sounds. If you don’t have something to protect the tips, storing them tip down leaves them open to a lot of problems: accidentally collision, contact, crushing the bristles, or more importantly: Dust and dirt! That’s right, you likely don’t clean your brushes BEFORE you paint, do you? Without tip covers (and even with them), it is easy to forget that the hair of your brushes will collect dirt and dust in the air around you; without tip protection, that dirt/oil/grime/etc. will get worked into the hair of your brush and cause it to warp shape imperceptibly. Cleaning your brushes before use (at the very least washing or rinsing them) will help.
3. Use clean/filtered water and brush soap to clean your brushes. You might say “Marcy, I’m not going to buy distilled water just for my brushes”, but again, remember: your brushes are made out of hair. How does YOUR hair react to the water that comes out of your shower? Well, that same water is coming out of your faucet when you wash your brushes off, and the minerals in that water are clinging to and drying onto the brushes you’re using, warping their shape. Good brush soap is like getting shampoo or conditioner for your hair; you can often find this at an art supply store. However…
4. Stop. Touching. Your. Bristles. With. Your. Fingers. This one probably makes sense but is likely something you aren’t aware you do frequently. I bet that when you see that curling, you try to rinse the brush out and maybe ‘shape’ it with your fingers, right? Well… how clean are your fingers? Because there’s a good chance that you are accidentally imparting dirt and oils into the brush tip without realizing it. When washing your brushes, make sure you soap up your hands or at least your finger tips first, which should help you get a better clean wash on them, and style the brush tip that way before you let too much dirt build up on your fingers again.
5. Stop putting the brushes in your mouth.Â
6. Paint drying on the brush is faster than you think. Something you may have noticed when working with acrylics is that acrylic paint dries pretty fast; this is why wet palettes are so useful, but also secretly why your brushes are getting dirty and damaged without you realizing it. The more paint that you layer into your brush, the more of it that dries and sticks to the bristles. Although washing and cleaning them properly can help, sometimes we don’t notice how much paint is actually in there and what it’s doing to the brushes, and if you aren’t thoroughly washing them, those microscopic amounts are what are helping to curl your brushes.
7. Try using cheaper brushes you don’t care about as much for more damaging paints. Things like metallics contain a lot more microscopic material than other brushes. You may have to bite the bullet and just use cheaper hobby brushes for those than your finer, expensive brushes, which you will want to save for better quality paints and likely for more detail oriented work.
8. Limit the amount of paint on your brush to just the tip. This one can be really hard because even moderate painters tend to over-estimate how much paint actually needs to be on a brush at a time, and sometimes some of the best painters you know also do their magic with really poor quality brushes; miniature painting is more about the illusion and distance of the object then up close, after all. You don’t need a lot of paint, and to think about it differently, you can always just put more paint on the brush, but you can’t subtract it.
9. Try not to push or stab your brush. This is another difficult one as it requires changes in painting behavior, but working the brushes in strokes or ‘dragging’ them smoothly across the object you are painting will help maintain their tips and prevent curling. Stabbing or pushing often damages the hairs in microscopic ways down to the ferrule, and once that starts to happen the rest of the hairs will warp as the shape isn’t maintained in balance anymore.
I hope these tips help, and maybe give you better appreciation for hair care!
“Hi, I’m Goku! You Look Strong!” or, It’s Lonely at the Top
Marcy,
How do I accommodate being one of the better players in my meta? My opponents can tell when I bring a weak list or make dumb decisions in game, so it is harder to handicap myself without them noticing, but I don’t want to be known as “play that guy if you want to lose.” That seems unfun for my opponents. I regularly have double-digit win streaks between events and I’m worried that I’m ruining the hobby for others. Any advice is appreciated.
Sincerely,
A winner looking to lose.
Dear Winner,
This is one of the perennial competitive questions regardless of hobby. Video games, board games, miniatures, card games, anything in which there are winners and losers that involve skill will also, invariably, result in skill gaps. In the best cases, the skill of players around you will rise to a steady level that includes people at, below, and even above you. But in some cases, you may find yourself as the person high on top of the mountain, gazing down at the people scrabbling up the side of it. One of the favorite wrinkles of this question, to me, is almost philosophical: Is it more considerate to handicap yourself to lose, or is it more considerate to play to your skill level and decimate your opponents?
Let’s consider it in two different ways. “Playing to lose” is often contentious because the victory likely feels hollow for your opponent, especially if they are aware that you could have, or would have, likely beat them. It also feels less satisfying for yourself, because you know you could be winning but you are forcing yourself not to do so. However, what if you still win while doing this? You have then accidentally humiliated your opponent, making the situation worse. However, “playing to win” generally means that you are locking in with the intent to win, with no compassion for your opponent in pursuit of your goal. It may feel crushing for your opponent while satisfying for you, but you were at least honest: you came to the fight with your best and you won, which may have been a foregone conclusion, but you didn’t compromise on your skill.
People hate being pitied, and unless they are asking you to go easy on them they likely would find you playing to lose demoralizing. Similarly, assuming your winning a lot makes others feel like their hobby is being ruined places a lot of importance on yourself that is likely not true; if they play five games at game day, and one against you, you’re ignoring the other four games; I don’t want to be mean but you are probably not that important to their overall enjoyment of the hobby, and if you are, they need a different hobby anyway.
“Playing to win” is always the correct call. Why? Because you are being honest with yourself and your opponent and viewing them at a valid competitor. You are good at the game, and that extends beyond what you likely bring to the table. While there will always be opportunists who leap at the best, meta option to win, there is a big difference between meta chasers and skilled players. As long as you are winning because of your skill and knowledge, there is no reason you shouldn’t continue to do so, because you are unconsciously providing that information to your opponents if they are looking to learn from their experiences.
Some of this is harder because it depends on the other player. Is your player a good sport but often loses? They will likely be far more inclined to receive tips and talk about the tactics of the game. Are they instead overly negative as they lose? You aren’t their punching bag, so don’t put yourself in their way or talk about how they can improve; their negative mindset is already making them do so, and you don’t want to sound like you’re pitying them.
That said, let’s try and provide a few alternatives to you. There is no shame in preparing different armies/decks/characters, whatever your game may be. If you are a renowned Space Marine player, as long as you find it fun or interesting, bring along an Ork army too, or GSC. Giving yourself a “less serious” army to play with can provide you some fun and you can continue learning about the game, while your opponents may feel more at ease–even if they lose–because you didn’t bring your “Best” army. If you are going to be playing against people that are newer or don’t win as often, you should also gauge at what level are they comfortable with receiving advice or discussing the game itself? Your ability to teach others may help them find more enjoyment in losing, because they can use that to improve or view the game as practice.
Lastly, I would simply say to “Stop worrying and learn to love the bomb.” You don’t sound like you win solely by abusing the meta, but likely through your knowledge of the game and your history with it. Instead of fearing that you aren’t fun to play against, try to consider how you can use that position to foster a better overall meta at your tables. What can you teach or help people better understand? Do players have bad habits that you might help them notice while playing against them? Can you foster a better atmosphere for newer players by running teaching games instead of just stomping them? While the best players in a meta are not always the gatekeepers of it, they can have a big impact, especially if they help weed out bad sports.
Don’t look to lose, Winner. Keep on winning. Just remember that a winning mindset doesn’t mean you have to be cruel or unpleasant, and your opponents will appreciate it; you may even find that treating them as your equals in competition will help them climb the mountain rather than fall off.
Pronoun-ced Anxiety
Hi, Ms. Marcy.
Pride month made me wonder about volunteering my pronouns. I’m a straight, cis-genderes white guy with a beard; basically so uninteresting that I’m indistinguishable from background noise. But my kid does have preferred pronouns different from their gender assigned at birth and I want to be no less supportive of the people in our community. Should I volunteer my pronouns when meeting an opponent at a tournament as a sort of signal that I’m receptive to their own preferences or trust that my opponent will volunteer their preferences if needed?
– Prideful Papa.
Dear Prideful,
This is often one of the most landmine-laden questions when it comes to gender non-conforming people and their identities in public spaces, one that often tends to center on cis people’s feelings over non-cis feelings. Firstly, let me say that you sound like a great dad and I’m sure your kid is over the moon that you’re a supportive parent, even if they maybe don’t say it outright (depending on their age and all that moody stuff), and the fact that you want to be supportive of them and others is fantastic.
However, my actual suggestion here is to, well, not offer them at all.
There was some kerfluffle about this in the past, but many times queer people will try to have this conversation with (usually) well-meaning cis allies to no avail, so let me try to set up the example this way:
A group of people are sitting in a room. As they go to introduce themselves, the person in charge suddenly goes, “…And just so everyone is comfortable, let’s provide pronouns. I’ll go first!” What this usually implies is that for other people in the room, the speaker has clocked someone as being gender non-conforming in some fashion, and thus is “asking” for pronouns to be volunteered as a way of outing the “Other” in the room.
You aren’t doing that, obviously, but it is often the problem of “asking” or “providing” pronouns without being prompted to do so. It can sometimes be viewed as accidentally microaggressive because, as you stated, your pronouns seem “obvious” from your gender presentation, meaning that by doing so you’re appearing to “ask” for the other person’s pronouns indirectly. A better way of thinking about this is introducing yourself by name instead; after all, how often do you refer to a person by their pronouns in direct conversation with them? And if you aren’t sure of their gender identity, you can just, well, use their name!
Now then, let’s not make this all sound like I’m lecturing you for trying to be considerate and supportive of your kiddo, which is what matters. I think if you really wanted to try and be more outwardly supportive of queer people in your vicinity (and thus generally just other people), there are more indirect ways you can do this. Pronoun buttons can be a cute idea to wear on a shirt or vest or hat, and if your kiddo is comfortable with it, getting a pair (preferably from a queer creator, hint) to wear together would maybe make them feel comfortable and seen. Wearing supportive iconography or pride shirts is great, but just remember the goal is supporting queer people, not being seen as “one of the good ones”.
You could also, as odd as this sounds, simply do nothing more than you’re already doing.
Your kid is already comfortable around you enough to have explored their pronouns and you are recognizing their identity; you don’t have to constantly reiterate “you’re valid” to them or do performative allyship to others to keep it up. Instead, just ensure that they’re comfortable with you and trust you, and other people will pick up on that. There is sometimes the impulse from allies to do “more” but when a queer person needs you to do something more, they’ll likely ask. Until then, just keep being an awesome dad!
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