Welcome once again dear readers to another edition of Mayday, Miss Marcy! in which we take reader submitted questions and offer advice in order to assist you and readers just like you with the quandaries you’re facing! As always, Mayday, Miss Marcy! is supported by viewers like you, which is to say, we need your questions! If you enjoy the column, please submit your questions so that we can continue to deliver you the answers you want!
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Last week we discussed spending on Gacha games, Spouses and Hobbies, and Streaming for Fun. This week, we’ve got three new questions for you to feast your eyes upon, so let’s get down to it!
People Make the Hobby, and You Are People
Dear Miss Marcy:
Everytime I think about doing something for my gaming and hobby communities I know it’ll mean nothing. It feels like I can never find a place to create things to share in them. I don’t have the money to do all the cool model things/paint, my attempts at drawing have gotten me laughed at before, and I’ve been told my writing is embarrassing and desperate. Add on the fact I’m openly trans and yeah, comments have been worse than that.
I want to make cool things and feel like a part of the communities I’m distant from. I’m tired of feeling like an outsider all the time.
Sincerely,
A Wishful Creator.
Dear Wishful,
You have to make things for you. I know that is a simplistic answer, but it is the truth: you have to make things for you. Other people do not matter, only you matter. At best, sharing things with other people is “look at this thing I made,” not “I need your validation.” It is always nice when you can share things with people and they tell you that it is cool or good, but your works of art, whether they be painting, writing, drawing, or modeling, need to be for you and for your enjoyment.
There is also the fact that these things all require skill and practice. If people are going to make fun of you for sharing them, quite simply: drop them. I know that is NOT as easy as it sounds, because the sense of isolation is difficult and hard. But you are suffering from a variation of the Nazi Bar Problem, which is that you are looking for validation and community in places in which you are not safe, and which are not filled with adults. I’m not sure your age range either, but let’s put this at “mental and emotional maturity” instead, because plenty of online spaces with people 20+ are also emotionally children.
I urge you to continue working on what you enjoy. If you do not want to worry about things being attached to your name, then write under a pen name and post them on places like AO3, or a Tumblr, or even just nowhere. Write them for you and don’t share them. Draw them and don’t share them, just look at them. Use a sketchbook or album in order to track your progress and see how your drawings have evolved over time.
It sucks to hear this advice because the thing is you want to hear “do this, go here, find these people”, but no matter what, you will always run into people that do not care to build you up and instead tear you down. When I began writing this column, and even the work I do writing about Umamusume, I did them because I wanted to do them; even still, getting hurtful and dismissive comments or jabs, “playful” or not, sting. I enjoy collecting and dressing dolls, which earned me comments about it being “creepy” and “weird,” which made me almost consider giving up on it, but instead I just bought more of them. Because when you create/express yourself, you are putting yourself out there, and it sucks to put yourself out there and be mocked for it.
I really do hope you will continue your creations. I do not know what people mean by saying your writing is “desperate and embarrassing”, because those are things you use to describe emotional reactions; it sounds like they either just don’t enjoy what you write, and thus must think it is bad, or simply don’t see the “value” in what you’ve expressed. I think it is fair to say that there are of course measure of quality that one can butt their head against, and those measures are hard to overcome without consistent work, research, and time invested. You can only get better at many things by doing them more, but you also need to broaden your horizons and exposure to things. Practicing your art and then studying art are the best way to get better at them, and who are other people to tell you it is good or bad? That is a judgement for you to make.
Keep creating, and keep doing it because you want to. As for finding communities and friends, I wish I had better advice. At a time in which being queer is draining and fraught, I wish people would choose to be more open and kind, but I am sure you will find people. The worst thing you can do is settle and not be honest with yourself in what you want, and you will eventually find and attract people.
Seriously, You Need to Create for You.
Miss Marcy,
I don’t really have any local friends that are into Warhammer, but i have long wanted to paint and model minis, and even play. I know I probably can’t play without traveling a fair distance to find local stores, and I am sort of afraid of driving, spending money, and having a bad time. I realize that I could just give it a chance, but is not playing also just a valid option?
Sincerely,
Painting Possibly.
Dear Painting,
Much like the above question, the answer is absolutely, but I think your question is a little different because it is secretly asking if you think it is a “valuable investment” if you are only able to paint and not play, to which again the answer is absolutely yes. If anything, you might find you will have far, far more freedom if you approach the hobby as a painting and artistic hobby than a gaming one, because you are able to buy literally anything you like, rather than worry about if things fit your army list and what you need. Golden Demon and other painting competitions should be proof that you can indeed pursue this hobby solely artistically, but I can actually commiserate with you a bit because I also lived in an area without a lot of good play options for a while, and it felt like I was “wasting” money buying models solely to paint them.
Much like I advised above, you need to paint and collect because you WANT to paint and collect. I do think, however, that you should focus on what you want to paint and why; are you painting Warhammer because of the idea you may play it, or because you like the models, universe, and challenge? If not, you can always look into other miniatures (or even non-miniatures, like busts) that you could also paint. The biggest reason I pose this question to you is because GW miniatures come with the GW Tax, in that they are expensive because they are required to play a game with, rather than simply exist as a thing you paint. There are many other miniature makers, some of which are not game oriented, that can present a lot of great painting challenge and expression for a far smaller cost and investment.
That isn’t to dissuade you from your path, but it is just putting out there that if you just want to paint, you can find lots of things to paint that can help you fill your queue without expending the “game” tax. Either way, you should, and can, absolutely paint only as a hobby. However, a final note: avoid the pitfall a lot of painting hobbyists make, which is to think you can start painting people’s armies for pay to justify your hobby. Paint because YOU want to paint, don’t paint because you are offering a service; if you do that, you’re going to get tired of your “hobby” very fast.
Tell Your Story Walking
Dear Miss Marcy,
I’m an openly queer person who often finds that the energy I spend existing in hobby spaces can be very exhausting. Without getting too into the weeds on things, I’ve noticed that a lot of hobby spaces have started feeling less welcoming and also a lot more apathetic about being open.
I don’t want to give in to respectability and “Tone down” who I am, but I’m also finding that there’s a lot more effort on my part to be in spaces. As an example, some people have recently started using the R-Slur again after January, as if that just became “normal” again. I got on their case and they stopped, at least in earshot of me, but situations like this feel more common than before.
I don’t know if I want advice, but I am curious if I am at least valid?
– Frustrated.
Dear Frustrated,
You are indeed valid. There’s been a big debate lately (and I say “lately” with a lot of salt) over respectability and presentation in most public spheres, with a lot of calls that queer and marginalized people need to “be respectable” and accept losses or cede ground in order to “win” the resurgent culture war. I am here to tell you that not only is that a waste of time, it is demeaning. I think what you, and others, are witnessing is that people without much skin in the game are finding what they are and aren’t actually comfortable with tolerating in order to have their own fun. You mention people using the R-slur again, and I know exactly what you mean, because I’ve noticed a large uptick in it’s usage in online gaming and social media spaces again.
Don’t apologize or stress over having convictions and holding to them. If people get on your case about them, tell them to tell their story walking, because you have better things to do than entertain and be around people who will simply flip to whatever is currently in vogue. Also, you’re keeping safe by establishing your boundaries and who you will let near you. If those people think you were scolding them, that’s fine; if others were allowing them to behave that way without saying something, then perhaps they’ve now realized that they were also in the wrong.
It is frankly a frustrating, stressful, and depressing time to be marginalized, and the spaces in which we find ourselves looking to get relief from that reality should not be ceding ground so easily because it was “too much work” to do the right thing. However, I want to also note that you should not continue to put yourself in the crosshairs of people that want to abuse your time or existence because they simply are not worth your time. A long time ago, a co-worker of my father’s uttered a line that stuck with me for years: “Don’t tell me what kind of fucking day to have, pal.” I often say that the only person who can ruin your day is yourself, and that’s true in a lot of ways: you are in control of your own space and your own mentality, and if you are finding that you are currently becoming more and more tired in the spaces you’re in for your hobby, you owe it to yourself to go find other spaces. Don’t accept half-hearted apologies from people who don’t mean it, and don’t let their allowing spaces to become unsafe to go without consequence. You are a great and amazing person who deserves to exist and be happy, and don’t let pleasantries or civility get in the way. Be abrasive, be combative, be you, and don’t let other people tell you what kind of day to have.
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