The Badman Chronicles, Part 7: Warzone Houston!

It’s been a few months since I wrote about playing Warhammer at an event here on the Chronicles, in fact last time I did was almost an entire edition ago. Narrative-haters and tournament-lovers can rejoice: Warzone: Houston is here, and it’s time to stretch my matched play legs at the first of two local two-day events I’ll be attending this autumn.

For those unfamiliar (which is likely most of you), Warzone: Houston is an annual two day GT here in the Lone Star state. It’s one of the largest events held for Warhammer here, with this year having 126 registered players duking it out over six games. I’ve signed up to be one of those 126 bozos, as well as many members of my local Warhammer club Astros Militarum. Rob Jones and Goatboy have also signed up, and having such a large crew to hang out with makes it likely that win or lose, I’ll have a great time here. If I lose a bunch, Rob will heckle me while Goatboy comes in for the assist.

If I win a bunch? Rob might give me a nod of approval. The stakes have never been higher. My goal is clear: get a winning record, get the nod.

List and Thoughts

So if I want to get a winning record at WZH, I need to put together a list strong enough to get me there. Fortunately, my preferred faction (Chaos Space Marines) looks great post-dataslate, and after some thought and list tinkering I came up with a list that I think can cut the mustard.

Dan’s Warzone Houston List: Click to Expand

I love this list. I tend to favor a very aggressive playstyle, sometimes to the point where I’ve lost games because I get stuck in “kill brain”. I’ve gotten much better about restraining my love of small plastic violence in order to make sure I actually win the game, but this time instead of repressing my brain worms I’ve weaponized them. There’s extraordinarily little subtlety here, you read this list and know exactly what it wants to do. It wants to put immense pressure on my opponents with three very scary combat units who can get wherever they want to be very quickly, while supported by some of the best shooting units currently in the game.

I don’t get as much practice in with the list as I’d liked to, but I get enough games in to learn a couple of important lessons. Firstly, as much as my heart screams out for it, I have to resist throwing both of my Chosen units and my Possessed block at the enemy all during the same turn. While all three of these units can be very deadly and can get off the buffs they need fairly simply, they aren’t ultra-durable. Three wounds on Chosen and Possessed helps quite a bit, but in my game with Rob I found that because I committed all three units at the same time I didn’t really have anything left over to commit to a second wave. I’m much better off leaving one of these units waiting in the wings to clean up after whatever the other two units leave alive.

I also feel worried about any ability that increases the cost of Profane Zeal, as many of my biggest damage dealers here love having those full rerolls to ensure they get the job done. The Possessed in particular lose their teeth without easy reroll access.

The practice games I do get make it very clear that the pressure I can put on an opponent with this list is excellent for shutting down my opponents ability to score, and a practice game against Chaos Knights is all the assurance I need to know that I can cut through armor if needed. My game plan is to send out the nasty combat blocks in waves to trap my opponent as much as possible, and keep the pressure up while I build up my score for both primary and secondary. It’s a simple plan, but when your army list is the Warhammer equivalent to punching your opponent in the nose, simple is all you need.

Day One: Reach the Top Tables through Violence

I arrive at the venue with some time to spare and plenty caffeinated, so I can relax a bit after I set my stuff down and chat with my teammates, as well as a few other Houston players that I don’t get to see very often. It’s fun to chat with people about their army lists before an event, and see the twinkle of excitement in someone’s eyes as they gush about their Warhammer army. It’s one of the nicest parts about large events: very rarely are folks so viciously cutthroat that all they will give you before the start of the event are intense, wordless glares or meant spirited trash talk. Folks at Warhammer events are usually just excited to be at a room filled with other dorks who like Warhammer, and embrace opportunities to make friends and bond instead of let competition push them apart. 

Eventually, the pleasantries end and one of the judges calls out over the speaker system. This venue was not made for sound quality, so it’s real hard to understand most of the pre-event announcements that the organizers are going through, but everyone understands the three important words at the end that mean it’s time for business:

“Pairings are up!”

Time to shine.

GAME ONE: V.s Devin’s Astra Militarum

Mission: Crucible of Battle, Purge the Foe, Chilling Rain

Devin's List: Click to Expand

Round one is the pairing you hold your breath the most for, since it’s truly random and you can just get horribly unlucky with who you get paired to play with. No one wants to start an event by getting stomped. Fortunately, I get lucky and dodge the known sharks with my first round pairing, but I think Devin wasn’t quite as lucky when he paired into me. He’s much newer to tenth edition than I am, as well as Warhammer as a whole, and this event also represents his first game with Astra Militarum instead of his Chaos Space Marines. Devin’s list has plenty of strong shooting though, and the indirect fire he has access to has traditionally been my bane. Plus, he’s bringing a Rogal Dorn, which is tough enough to possibly survive most of the nastiness I can throw at it if I get even a little unlucky. 

Devin goes first, and makes the mistake of pushing forward with his army too much. He’s able to claim the objective on my table half by doing this, but what he’s also done is give me targets for a solid turn one charge to really leapfrog forward into his territory. The Rogal Dorn meanwhile stays far away on the no mans land objective on his side, and I decide that rather than make any serious attempts to deal with the Dorn, I’m better served just ignoring it and killing everything else that I can. The Chosen squads make it in early to start knocking some heads around, and even though Devin manages to kill one squad of Chosen with some shooting in response, the Possessed come in with the second wave and the Obliterators drop in for some big points on my turn two when I draw Bring it Down. 

After that, Devin’s able to put up a good fight and keep his mind on scoring as he can, but I’m far enough ahead on attrition that there’s nothing he can really do to stop me from scoring big on primary and secondary, and I come away from round one with a win. It’s a brutal game for Devin, but Devin’s a champ about it, and his penance for not playing Chaos is paid.

Result: Victory 94-65

We break for lunch, and the crew all meets together at one of the empty tables to prepare some basic sandwiches we brought for everyone. Last year we got burned pretty hard by the food truck being swarmed with hungry Warhammer players, so we brought sandwich stuff on day two and it ended up being a real pro play. Everyone gets to enjoy their sandwich with time enough to spare for a trip to the bar, and chat about their game one successes or woes. We finish up, and it’s time for game two.

GAME TWO: V.s Jon’s Adepta Sororitas

Mission: Hammer and Anvil, Sweep and Clear, Priority Targets

Jon's List: Click to expand

Jon’s a player I’ve met a few times at the Asgard Games RTT events I run on a monthly basis. He’s a swell guy, and it’s nice that I can finally get a chance to play Jon instead of just run an event he is at. He’s been playing Sisters of Battle at every single one of these events, and the fact he’s got plenty of metal models in his army list are testament that he’s a true blue, ride or die Sisters player. His army is also really well painted, I love the bright blues on his models. It makes them really pop whenever I’ve seen them.

All of this kindness means that this is the game where I keep the 40k Badcast tradition spiritually alive by meeting someone who’s a delight and absolutely dumpstering them. 

I go first and position myself aggressively, and Jon makes a misplay by lining up to shoot a Rhino I’ve seemingly left in the open. I use Dark Obfuscation combined with the Mark of Nurgle on the Rhino to make it untargetable, and Jon does something that I don’t see many players do. He admits his own mistake, that I warned him about that stratagem but he forgot and fell into my trap. Oftentimes, players I encounter don’t like to acknowledge their own mistakes as readily as this, and it’s a character move on Jon’s part to accept that he made a misplay in a two-player competitive game instead of complain about the rules in question. Like I said, Jon’s a good dude.

But then his Repentia bounce off some Chosen, and I use that to clean up the Repentia and consolidate onto an objective. And then I kill Vahl and all his Paragon Warsuits round two. Jon keeps doing his best to slow me down, but the trouble that arises is that despite copious well placed melta, flame, and bolter, there’s just too much Chaos Marine running straight towards him for Jon to get the chance to stop my momentum. He killed quite alot, but it wasn’t enough to stop me from running away with this game hard, and Jon takes my decisive victory with grace.

Result: Victory 100-42

GAME THREE: V.s Jake’s Orks

Mission: Search and Destroy, Secret Intel, Sites of Power

Jakes list: Click to expand

Ah, pressure list versus pressure list. A gentleman’s Warhammer game.

Jake’s list presents a problem for me here, which is that he’s stacked with Characters and the fact he can Waaagh! Means his threat range for getting into combat is basically the entire board. He could very easily trap my in my own deployment zone from the word “go”, and judging from how he deploys his entire army essentially on the deployment line confirms this theory. He’s going to come at me with everything he’s got as soon as he can. Fortunately for me, I have a secret weapon against pressure lists just like this one: Nurglings.

I’m able to deploy the Nurglings nine inches from his deployment zone and in a way that blocks him off from almost any route to try and get a turn one charge off on me, since his Squighog Boyz cant move through the ruins or Nurglings. He’s going to either need to bide his time and let me get out of my deployment zone, or he can push forward right away into the Nurglings to get his army in midfield. He chooses the latter, which I had hoped for. Since he is on every objective with plenty of beef, I’m going to spend the first few turns digging myself out from his early primary advantage, but the fact his whole army is now in threat range of my melee nastiness means I get to determine the combats and initiate the piece trading here, as opposed to Jake.  

I get one squad of Chosen and Possessed in early, and despite him heroically intervening into the Chosen I’ve pretty squarely set up the combats on my terms and start taking his pieces out. He decides to Waaagh! on turn two, and props to Jake for bellowing out the loudest and most propa’ Waaagh! I’ve ever heard. His Waaagh! Buffs let him fight his way through most of the Possessed and the Chosen, and he knocks out a Forgefiend with his incoming Flash Gitz, but in return I bring down my Obliterators to take care of his Flash Gitz and my second Chosen unit with the Chaos Lord cleans up anything surviving in the middle. By turn three, Jake’s out of steam and I start climbing out of my scoring hole to rocket ahead for a round three victory against the Orks.

Result: Victory 78-63

At the end of day one, I’m one of the first from my crew to finish and I’m stunned. I had wanted to do well, but 3-0 at the end of day one is much better than I had expected. On the one hand, I’m excited to see how far I’ve come as a player to get this result, but on the other hand this means my pairings tomorrow will be almost guaranteed to be tough as nails. I feel my wings start to get pretty hot this close to the sun.

The whole crew goes out afterwards to a BJ’s Brewhouse nearby for a big team dinner. I remember back in my Warmachine days, I would go to BJ’s in Lubbock with my friends during the lunch break at tournaments, and being back in a BJ’s restaurant with many of the friends I’ve made here through Warhammer fills me with equal parts happiness and nostalgia. Plus, at the very end, I get to eat a cookies and cream pizookie, and it’s fucking delicious. 

With a tummy full of beer, pizookie and spaghetti, I catch a ride home and get as much rest as I can for day two. I figure I’ll need it for whatever wild west bullshit gets thrown at me.

DAY TWO: What it’s All About 

I arrive for day two just as bright eyed and bushy tailed as I did for day one, admittedly more nervous this time about my round four pairing. I’ve also got to take a quick aside to let the head judge know I’m dropping out after game five due to some family scheduling conflicts, which I’m a little annoyed about. But with a three win day one, it was much less of a big deal not playing all six games. I didn’t expect to win the event, and now I will at least have neutral record and one more win will put me at a winning record. 

And if I do win my next two games? Well I guess I have to call and cancel on family dinner.

I chat with everyone about their expectations for the day and coordinate another sandwich lunch, and pairings go live.

But wasn’t the right pairings, and I talk to a buddy from another club while the real pairings are figured out. I wish I could’ve played this first game here, games against friends are always more fun at events. Alas, the true pairings get announced, and it’s time for my wings that were very hot yesterday to finally burn up.

GAME FOUR: V.s Justin’s Genestealer Cults

MISSION: Sweeping Engagement, Targets of Opportunity, Supply Drop

Justin's list: Click to expand

Justin’s one of the better players in the local community, and I’ve faced him before during ninth edition when he was playing Tyranids at the height of their power and got my teeth sent flying down my throat at mach two. Chaos Marines aren’t a terrible choice into Genestealer Cults in the current metagame, but it’s still quite a lot of Neophytes to try and pin down and get rid of, and blips consistently popping up will mean it will be hard to stay above my opponent on attrition. If I can go first, I think I can make this a game, and if I go second I think this will likely be a slog that won’t end in my favor.

I go second. Whelp, it looks like it’s time to get punished for my hubris for getting so close to the top here.

In fairness, I don’t make it an easy game for Justin to win. I make a big mistake early on my giving him room to bring down some Acolytes to toss demo charges at my Possessed and toast them early, which in retrospect I should’ve screened out more carefully with my Nurglings instead of deploying them a bit forward. Still, I try to keep this one as tight as I can, and I can take pride in the fact that I think Justin did need to engage his brain to win this. 

By the time it’s getting close to time, I know I’m beaten, and when Justin offers to play into lunch I politely decline and say we can just talk this one out and I’m not pulling out a miracle win. We talk it out and I take my first loss of the event, but keep Justin to a reasonably low score. Alright, I’ll take it.

Result: Defeat 56-78

As I go to lunch, I can’t say I’m even that upset about the loss. I played a pretty good game there, and I know by now that I’ve crafted a mean list and don’t need to worry about if my list needs more time in the lab. I got outplayed, plain and simple, and with three wins under my belt and a bunch of Oreos that my teammate Erik has brought, I can’t complain. Besides, I’m eager to find out what round five has in store for me, and hope I can end my day on a high note.

GAME FIVE: V.s Alex’s Chaos Knights

MISSION: Crucible of battle, Minefields, Take and Hold

Alex's list: Click to expand

I’ve seen Alex pop up on the rosters a few times at events around town I’ve been to, but have never actually had the chance to put a face to the name of one of Houston’s most stalwart Chaos Knight players. After meeting him, I’m a little sad I didn’t get to know him earlier. He’s the perfect kind of Warhammer player to match up to in an event: an opponent with good demeanor and who plays a tight, clean game with a great list. As we start setting up, I figure pretty quick this will be a helluva game, and I can’t say who I think is going to come out on top. 

And what a game it was that followed. Alex is able to play a little more forward than most with his Chaos Knights, since his War Dogs are reasonably tough and dangerous in either melee or shooting almost all the time. In order to win, I have to get aggressive quickly and start popping War Dogs fast, and unfortunately for me I only get to pop one War Dog on the first turn. Having the Rhinos available to keep my Chosen protected is key in Alex’s round two, but he doesn’t overcommit anything here which will make it had to bring down enough War Dogs for me to win this game.

Round two, I mount a more dangerous counterattack when my Obliterators get in to scrap a War Dog and my second Chosen Squad bail out the sole remaining Chaos Lord from the now dead first Chosen squad. I still feel behind though, and it’s a feeling I can’t shake until I get extraordinarily lucky on round three when the Obliterators tear up a Karnivore in Overwatch. I had just wanted to chip it in order to let my Chosen get the most out of the attached Master of Executions, but this is a huge break for me. Suddenly, my Chosen can deal with the War Dog they’re stuck in combat with and not get chewed up by the encroaching angry mini knight. 

Despite the lucky break for me that puts me thoroughly up on attrition and board control, Alex keeps the game very tight and continues to score well on primary and secondary. At the very end, he solidifies his score at 91 points at the top of five, and at the bottom of the round it’s unclear if I can pass that score. With primary, I get to 81 points. I need to pull out 11 points on secondary to cinch it. I’ve still got a command point redraw, but even with that the only thing I can do is toss a Warhammer Hail-Mary here and hope for the best. 

I draw my cards. 

Engage on all Fronts and Capture Enemy Objective.

The Warhammer Hail Mary I throw finds my Possessed brick, leaping into the air like Randy Moss to catch the game winning point. They advance onto Alex’s home objective to control it, and also get me enough points to score three on engage. I win by one point at the buzzer in an extremely well played game against good people. This is what it’s all about, this is the dragon I’m chasing when I go to events. I love games like this.

Alex and I shake hands, both still freaking out about the result. It rocks, and I absolutely end my event on the high note of one of the best games of my life. Great job, Alex!

Result: Victory 92-91

Now 4-1, sadly it’s time to go, but not before I find Rob and try to get that nod of approval. I tell him about my record, and he’s happy for me and congratulates me on the games like a good friend. Rob lets a smirk slowly emerge on his lips as he picks up the metaphorical goalposts and starts to walk away.

“You know you’re in the running for best in faction if you can win one more game, right?”

Rob laughs at my agony, but in that laughter I think I can see the faintest hint of a nod of approval. Maybe I was just seeing things. But you know what? I’ll take it.

Overall, I had a great time at this event, and Chaos Space Marines are just a blast to paly. I’ve got one more big event for the year at least in October, and I look forward to raising some Badman hell there soon. 

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